Family and Relationships

Why Men Get Confused and Pull Away from Women They Love

Why Men Get Confused and Pull Away from Women They Love

There are some things you can tell about a person from the moment you first lay eyes on them.

For example, there are many people who have become romantically obsessed with a person they feel destined to be with. In a recent blog post I chronicled several of those stories, showing the power of instant attraction in the lives of both celebrities and historical figures you would know.

The fact is, many of our reactions to people are automatic, instinctive. Daniel Kahneman and others have documented scientific research that shows just how powerful this effect can be.

First impressions matter.

For example, college students can accurately predict how effective a college professor will be within six seconds of watching video clips of the professor entering a room full of students. And these snap judgments are surprisingly accurate.

But some of our instincts about people emerge more slowly over time. And there’s one such signal I’d like to tell you about now. Because it has a profound effect on the way men experience you.

I’m talking about tell-tale body language that men are hardwired to detect. Knowing about this little secret can make a tremendous difference in your romantic life.

To explain how this works, we need to take a brief foray into the world of bees. Bees are able to communicate an extraordinary amount of data using nothing but body language.

After finding a source of nectar, they return to the hive where an intricate dance can provide the other bees with an entire roadmap, allowing the rest of the hive to find the gold mine of nectar.

This level of sophistication seems strange to us humans. Because most of our communication is verbal. Or is it?

The Silent World of Social Status

I’m sure you’ve heard this before, but it bears repeating. We communicate facts and figures with our words. But when it comes to social interaction, more than 90% of our communication is nonverbal.

This is one of the reasons why I do better as a relationship coach when I can interact with my client in person, rather than over video conferencing or telephone.  I can literally read the kind of body language they give off in different situations.  And this allows me to give them a specialized kind of feedback to help them with their impression management.

But that kind of body-language is nothing compared to the one I’m going to tell you about in this article.  Because the body language that matters most doesn’t show up in my consulting sessions.  It doesn’t show up until you’re face to face with the man you want to be with.

Impression Management for Dating

When it comes to dating, one type of impression management is more important than all other forms of body language combined. That’s the theme of my book, His Secret Obsession, which teaches women one important idea with the power to captivate a man’s interest and attention.

When you stop to think about it, you’ll realize that most of the nonverbal communication that matters to us reveals how other people feel about us. Everyone from your boss to the salesclerk at your coffee shop can instantly impact your mood based on very subtle nonverbal indications of how they feel about you at that moment.

It’s silly. And we all know it. But we can’t help our emotional reactions to these subtle nonverbal forms of communication. Still, there’s an even more powerful way that nonverbal communication is impacting your romantic relationships.

His Secret Obsession

Men have a secret obsession with status and hierarchy. You probably already know that men get more worked up about competition and hierarchical social status than women do. But you probably don’t realize the extent to which that is true.

If you put a group of men on a boat and send them out to sea for two days, when they return, an identifiable pecking order will be established. You’ll be able to tell by watching how they interact with each other in these close quarters. But here’s what it’s really strange.

Scientists can determine the pecking order that was established simply by measuring the testosterone in the men’s bloodstream before and after their little jot out to sea.  In other words, there are physical changes (on a hormonal level) that reflect the way men see themselves in the context of their new social circle.

How do I know all this? Because some scientists actually did this research study. It’s amazing, but true. Men are hardwired to respond to social signals that tell them about their status in any group of people. That’s especially true when it comes to leadership roles.

The Number One Cause of Failure

As a relationship coach with years of consulting experience and a best-selling online relationship course, I get hundreds of questions about men every month. And the funny thing is, most of those questions skip right past the things that actually matter when it comes to winning a man’s heart.

Why? Because we tend to build mental models of the thoughts and feelings of others in ways that reflect our own thoughts and feelings.

This is why men can be such dunces when it comes to something as simple as being a good listener. We so often want to fix your problem that we don’t listen to you even when you tell us repeatedly that you just want a listening ear. Why?

Because men automatically picture themselves in your shoes and consider the practical advice they would want to receive, rather than the emotional support you are actually looking for. Psychologists call this “theory of mind.” It’s a term that means we have a mental model that we use to guess what other people are thinking and feeling.

But the unfortunate truth is that our “theory of mind” often fails us when it comes to the opposite sex. And that’s especially true when it comes to his secret obsession. So let me tell you a little more about that now.

One Universal Need All Guys Share

We’ve established that guys are extremely sensitive when it comes to social status. But I have yet to tell you why that matters in your world of dating and romantic relationships.

The honest truth is this. Social status matters to us guys in our primary romantic relationship more than anywhere else. If we feel we are loved, but not respected, we will leave the relationship.

It’s not very flattering, but it’s true. His secret obsession is about a need for admiration, respect, and being looked up to by the people he spends time with.

The reason His Secret Obsession has become a worldwide phenomenon, is not because I’m a great writer or a well-known relationship expert. People know the James Bauer name for one reason and one reason alone. This stuff works. And hardly anyone else is talking about it.

That’s why I’ve put my entire course online so anyone around the world can get a copy and use it in their own relationship. Knowing that guys have this secret obsession is important, but it does you no good if you don’t learn how to use it.

So I’ve created an entire course of relationship-building material that cuts to the chase and quickly reveals everything you need to know for improved relationship outcomes with men.

It’s time to finally help him see you as the one. Click here now to discover an unfair advantage that will work on every man you know.

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